EmKayUltra

Let me just say, for the record, that this is one of the most boring episodes I’ve ever seen.  Things were looking up last week and I was hoping that Lisa/Adrienne would bubble, bubble, toil and trouble.  I’m pissed that Kim hasn’t started drinking again and there wasn’t enough of The Morally Corrupt Faye Resnick to satisfy me.

Now that that’s out of the way, Hello Ladies!! Let’s get ready to go to Beaver Creek!!

Kyle- The new house looks awesome!! You are so lucky to have TMCFR helping you decorate but I must break with you two regarding Mauricio and his pool table.  His butt is so tight he should be able to rack his balls where and when and how he wants.  Let him have a man cave and a half!! He is letting you have your blingy chandeliers, and doesn’t hold your eyebrows against you!!

Kim- Don’t care.

Lisa- You are so bossy with your mexican maid! I will treat Jakki that way one day. But I will never look all Dr Zhivago like you. I just don’t think I could pull it off. Not in white, anyways. Maybe in black, but that’s a different story. That’s more cruella deville dontcha think?  Anyhoo, I’m sure Giggy and Ken will miss you oodles.

Camille- Don’t care.

Adrienne- STOP BEING SO MEAN TO PAUL. He has a weird face.  You knew that when you married him. Do you want to be like Camille?  All alone and forced to sell her Beaver Creek property? Is that what you want?  Keep it up and soon you will no longer be able to poop normally or make normal faces.  And America is over the hair tinsel.  We are uncomfortable with a woman over 40 wearing “hair accessories” like that.  And give Paul a little more credit. He is a world famous plastic surgeon. He has precision and an artistic eye and he’s SENSITIVE so just leave him alone.  You have an attack dog from Germany so you don’t HAVE to lock the door.  Ugh.

Taylor- Why didn’t they show you at your house getting ready for this trip with your fam….?  Oh. Nevermind. Well, that was awkward.  How are we going to dance around Russells Last Tango for the rest of the season?  Like this?  We will just ignore it? We should have seen him being a stick in the mud and you giving him too many directions regarding his care of Kennedy.  Not having him on film is not going to make this any easier.

OK. Now that we’re all ready let’s get to Beaver Creek!!

Kim, stop flirting with every man that gets on the plane.  They do not want your crusty coochie.  And, like, what are you going to do? Go have secks in the airplane bathroom?  Get tons of numbers and hold a raffle?? Desperation is a stinky cologne, Kim…..

Lisa- We were friends last season but I’m not so sure about our relationship anymore.  You are being so bitchy!! If you love Kyle, tell her.  Don’t just be all snarky about her being BFFs with Taylor.  I don’t like Taylor, either, but if we try to boss Kyle around she will just keep BFFing with her to be spiteful!

Camille- I almost start feeling bad for you, getting ready for the girls to arrive all alone in your mountainside mansion. Alone. By yourself. All alone, with just the staff. But then I remember that you compared yourself to Jesus last season and made out with your friends’ husbands lips on video and that you are you. And I get over it and get back to crapping and not caring.

Kyle- Lovin’ your sense of playfulness on the plane!! Tickle, tickle, Lisa!! You look great!! Love you!!

Adrienne- Don’t care.

Taylor- Don’t care.

And here we are at Beaver Creek!!

Oh, wait. No, we’re 4 hours away.

Kim proceeds to act like a crackhead in the limo. And other stuff happens, but mostly that.

And here we are at Beaver Creek!!

Let’s be dramatic about finding a room!! Let’s go skiing!! Let’s eat cookies!! Let’s be cryptic about our abusive relationship in the hot tub!! Let’s hurry up and get to next week where we get to see what we came for- the beginning of the breakdown of Taylor….

What did you love/hate about the 2nd episode of RHOBH?